BANNED from a Mummies Forum.... The whole story

I must be a terrible person to get this one right.

Or is there more to this than originally meets the eye.

If you know me then you know there probably is.

This is actually a story not about being banned from a mommies forum but about how having a medical condition can paint over your whole life and make it almost as if you have a warning label tattooed on your forehead.

I have taken a while to write this as I wanted to give myself time to "get over" the total and complete and rather shocking feelings this little episode brougt out in me. I ran the gaumet from indiference, to disbelief and shock and frustration and finally complete disgust and disdain.

I feel now a few months after the fact I have come to the point at which I am ready to begin my sorry story.

(Well I wrote this intro a few months ago and never got any further.)

Clearly I was still not ready to write it. I don't think I ever will really be.

Basically long story short, stupid people will find anything they can to use against you if you don't stack up to their ideals and expectations. I am just more of a taget because I am open about my manic depressive illness (some prefer Bipolar Disorder, but I prefer the more descriptive term I used before).

I would never accuse a person without a leg of not having a leg to stand on if their argument didn't make sense to me, or telling someone who is hearing impaired that they are "deaf to reason" that would just be rude. Rudeness is inexcusible, as is stupidity. I have said it a few times before and I say it again. There is no pill for stupid.

I have always (well since being diagnosed and knowing it myself) been open and frank about my illness. I do not use it to make excuses for bad behaviour, nor do I tolerate being treated like an invalid because of it. I take my meds, keep a civil tongue to those that would drive me to drink, and work hard at being the best I can be, everyday.

I even chose my online name, MoodyEve, as a nod to the illness, a way of keeping myself smiling and making light of the darkness that sometimes encloses me.

But the brutally ignorant and very hypocritical will never understand it. Not really.

And so I found myself banned from  Calora's parenting forum. Not for any good reason but because I did not allow myself to to sidelined and ridiculed and would not shut up about things that were, in a word, wrong.

Thankfully those members who I had become friends with have continued to stay in my corner and are still friends on facebook and skype.

Here is the facebook note that I posted following my first "slap on the wrist", complete with comments and follow up feedback as I ended up banned.

To the SuperAdmin who went too too far.....

by Moody Eve on Wednesday, 02 February 2011 at 07:07

I have been accused of being too negetive and critizising "on a daily basis" on a particular facebook page.
I take great exception to this especially since I have just gone through that particular page with a fine tooth comb (took an hour to go through all the comments and posts) and can only find times where I have "liked" comments or given comments of support or encouragement. Also I have hardley ever commented on said page and certainly not daily.
All I did do though was comment on an article about baby names and suggested that parents use more than one source of meanings for baby names as some sites have errors (hey, to err is human). My child's name and another of a friend of mine's is a case in point. That was a comment on an article that had to be moderated before it was published so I figured if what I said caused any offence to the moderators they would just make the alterations they needed to, I also made some other very valid and not critical at all points about naming children. Instead I have been personally and insidiously attacked and the person who has done this has painted a bunch of others with his same brush by saying they too feel this way, however I have found that most of the others he referred to don't even know what he is talking about.
Obviously someone has a problem.
I was willing to accept that it might be me, iintrospection is a big part of my method of understanding myself. I am forthright and can sometimes come across as too direct.
However on investigation I have come to realise it is not.
You know who you are though.
Your loss.
I can now spend more of my time blogging and being helpful to other parents in other ways.
This is not the last I will say on this subject.
I write this to get it off my chest and to answer any questions others might have about why I have left the forum in question.
Best wishes to you all.
So long and thanks for all the fish.
DeliciousMonster a.k.a MoodyEve and Eve

DeliciousMonster, yummy, but not to everyone's taste.

• • Jessica Otto Was Smith O dear, I obviously missed this drama.
    

    02 February at 07:34 ·
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    Lisa Bulpin
    

    firstly...I love you name DeliciousMonster...super cute..
    Secondly....giving advice on name choosing seems like a really silly reason for someone to take offence....I expected something more extreme...
    I really hope you get the apology you de...See more

    
    

    02 February at 07:38 · · 2 people
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    Moody Eve ‎@Jessica it was all swept under the carpet and done so insidiously. This is why I felt the need to post this note explaining to anyone who might have been interested. I have no doubt I will come underfire for this too but then he'd have to fight fair, on my own turf, either here or on my blog where I will also be writing about this as I do about everything that goes on in my world.
    

    02 February at 07:51 · · 1 person
  • Jason Wilma Gray I am so sorry ME...I dont know what happened...or is going on...all I know is your are a great friend and have been for a few years now...I know you and know who you are...so dont worry...we love you!!!
    

    02 February at 08:10 · · 2 people
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    Moody Eve
    

    Well, as way of an update I have now been BANNED permanently from that forum which suits me just fine as I was trying to delete my account and couldn't figure out how to. So my advice to anyone that I have recommended this site to in the past, be careful what you say and whatever you do, don't have a thought of your own that isn't sanctioned by them.... Also I have purposefully NOT mentioned who this person is as I don't even know, they hid behind a name and havn't even had the guts to email me directly which I would have expected from someone who has a personal axe to bear and was even remotely grown up. I am easily contactable via facebook or twitter or even by phone. I have nothing to hide.... As I mentioned to a friend just now I will also be blogging about this experience but will wait for a while rather than try to do so now as I have a lot of other work on my plate at the moment. Infact, that is what was so funny about their initial PM to me, the accusation that I was "on a daily basis" posting all sorts of attacks to them.

    
    

    02 February at 08:41 · · 1 person
  • Lisa Bulpin OMG..I can't believe they banned you..shew
    

    02 February at 09:57 · · 1 person
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    Jessica Otto Was Smith Ai, girl. Don't let it get to you!
    

    02 February at 10:14 ·
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    Moody Eve
    

    Lisa, it's not really "they" it's HE! the one person who has a problem and sees the whole thing as his own personal sandpit, any questions about it are met with comments about how much money they spend on building the site and marketing it and giving away gifts but as I mentioned when I first replied to one of his hissy fits, "the members themselves and the interactions they have with each other, advice they give and the support they offer each other is what adds value to the site..... without them and their opinions and comments and continued support the whole site is really a pointless marketing exercise doomed to failure."

    
    

    02 February at 10:30 · · 1 person
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    Moody Eve Luckily I don't know his real name or I might be tempted to name and shame but then he would have grounds for trying to attack him personally and get this whole note chucked off facebook, but since isn't named and the company isn't named either they can't do a thing to me if I want to speak out against this nonsense.
    

    02 February at 10:33 · · 1 person
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    1 comment removed due to request by facebook friend.
    

    
    
    
  • JustinandLeeann King Well Miss Moody Eve,I personally don't you but have seen you at a few parties....a woman that is so true to herself....love it! You did such a kind act on saturday that I haven't stopped talking about....shame on them (HE) for deleting you...just goes to show the small mindless mentalities....
    

    07 February at 21:58 · · 3 people
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    Moody Eve
    

    Thanks for the supportive comments guys. I have begun my blog on this as this issue has kept coming up and generally it boils down to the stigmatisation a medical condition and predjudicial treatment of anyone who suffers from it. What's worse, just yesterday someone else with the same condition lambasted me for commenting on someone who as a throw-away remark asked if the bad behaviour a certain individual had exhibited might be an indication that the person suffers from bipolar as if to insinuate that having bipolar means you are going to do the sort of thing she did. Patently ridiculous.
    Fortunately that has sort of seperated the wheat from the chaff as far as some of the people on my friends list are concerned. 

    
    

    26 February at 08:07 · · 1 person
  • Elaine Machin
    

    Eve you always have my altermate respect. and I know my childrens. people who hid behind " conditions/bipolar thHyper lables " have not come to terms with who they are and as such have a lot to learn. I have seen lots of people with disabilities, conditions turn these into challenges and reach for their dreams. You are one of them an awesom mother, wife and bussiness woman. Hold your head high. You are a wonderfull person . Bless you may your life be full of the good things. I will pass on to you what Averil says to me. The grumps and judgement of others is their problem not yours. lv elaine

    
    

    26 February at 08:51 · · 2 people
  • Iris Allen Prejudices people are ignorant people. Ignore them - I know it is hard.And I love the "Moody Eve" name - what's wrong with it!? And what's wrong with being moody!? You are open and honest. ( I must actually call myself "Crabby Iris" because that's me)
    

    26 February at 15:14 · · 2 people
  • Paula Gruben Be who you are & say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind.
    
    Love you just the way you are, honey!! Don't change anything for anyone. *hugs*
    

    26 February at 17:20 ·

I almost feel proud. I know my daughter will be when she reads this years from now.

Sticks and stones might break my bones... but keystrokes can sometimes kill you.

This story really freaked me out today.
I am pretty tech savy but it made me think about how my daughter, aged 2, might concievably have to deal with some things which go far further than sticks and stones in her day to day interactions with her peers and collegues in the future, and I might not have the skillset to help her cope with it.
It made me think about how much I as a parent need to keep up with what is going on in my child's life right from now, and how it is my responsibility, nay, my duty, to make sure that I not give in to technology and shrug my shoulders saying, "this is too higher-grade," the way many parents are doing today.
We are thinking seriously already about when Evangeline is going to get her first computer. At the moment it will probably just be a simple machine without any real network access, more a workstation for herself to keep her away from ours where she can do real damage by accidentally downloading HUGE files or undoing steps I spent hours on in editing photographs (both of which she has done already, did I mention she is only 2?).
Parents of teenagers who are not up to date with the technology being used everyday by their sons and daughters have a daunting task ahead of them.
An I being naieve in thinking that if I keep upo to date from now I even stand a chance of being alright by the time my child is a teenager?
An adult friend was attacked in a similar fashion to that described in the article on cyberbullying about a year ago.... He, at 38, struggled with the same issues and ended up wasting a lot of time and energy fighting an enemy he couldn't see who didn't follow the rules.
This sort of thing is going to get worse before it get's better.
There are all sorts of statistics of suicides which are related to stuff that happens online.
It really makes a mockery of the old song my Mum used to teach me to help me deal with taunts and teasing, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never harm me."