Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Motherhood Triumph and Fortitude

My best friend Sandra is celebrating her son's first birthday today.
She has done all the usual things to prepare for the celebration, baked a cake resembling his favourite TV character, Brum; wrapped gifts he will no doubt thoroughly enjoy unwrapping and then discard to play with the paper; made sure that every thing is in place for him to have a perfect first birthday.
What she can't do though is make sure his Daddy is there to celebrate it with him.
Tyler Jame's Daddy, Gerrit died in a motorcycle accident a few days after Christmas so she is a single mother to her beautiful son who is growing into the likeness of his Daddy to the point that even those of us who didn't know Gerrit well can see how much Tyler James looks like him.
This is certain to be a bittersweet time for her as she enjoys the birthday and the time with her little boy. She must feel the loss at these times even harder than she does usually, and I'm sure she feels the loss of her beloved Gerrit all the time like a shadow over every part of her life, or a veil pulled across the window she watches the world through.
I can't know how that feels. My daughter has her father with her every day and I have him here to assist me and support me in the sometimes achingly difficult times of motherhood and share in the joys which grow larger with the sharing.
I wish I could do something for my friend. All I can do is stand by her and offer a shoulder and a smile, a distraction and my friendship, and hope that is enough to help to brighten some days and lessen some of the load on her shoulders.
She is one of the strongest people I have ever had the privileged to know. I admire her ability to put one foot in front of the other each and every day. She shows great fortitude, and her will to provide a happy environment for her son triumphs in everything she does.
Tyler might be too young at this age to understand the ramifications of his birthday and for that reason I feel the first birthday is one we need to congratulate the parents on rather than the little ones.
Mums and Dads are the ones who have hit an anniversary, they have survived parenthood for a year, some surviving a little better than others, but most doing the best they can which is really all we can ask of any parent.
Then there are some who are managing to do more than just their best, they shine in the task of parenthood and magically (with the help of the fairies I imagine) are doing a better job than most despite some very hard knocks life has chosen to hand them.
Sandra is one of these parents. She is the best Mum I know and my hero.
Congratulations on being Mum for a year Sans.

Remember I am here for you.